So, my raging anxiety has finally decided to take a break today. I’m caught up on homework (after getting about 9 hours of sleep over the last two days), my dress should be done getting fitted tomorrow, and my mom and grandma will be here tomorrow.
I’ll admit I’m not doing very good on this experiment. I stopped tracking, but I think I’m still doing good eating consistently. I haven’t really done much of my ten minutes of movement, but I think the amount of concerts and singing I did this weekend make up for that.
I’m also having to fight with my guilt about my eating recently. I haven’t been eating very well - almost every meal has been take out or fast food for the last nine days. But I have to realize I’m doing what my body and mental health need - I’m busy and I don’t have time to cook. I haven’t had time to go to the grocery store. I also rarely have energy to cook when my anxiety and depression are so high. And a lot of my meals have been out with friends, which is also good. So there’s no reason to feel guilty. I’m doing what I need to do.
I think a lot of my real guilt stems from the money I’m spending to eat out. I’ve probably spent $75 - $100 on fast food this week which is a lot of money. Uggh. The struggle is really real right now.
So… there’s my life. Recital on Saturday. And then three more weeks of the semester. And then… Freedom! Until then, updates might be slow and inconsistent. I’ll try my hardest to update as much as possible!
So, I was on Buzzfeed (of all places!) and found this collection of workouts: http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/fitness-diagrams-that-make-g
Last night I was talking about how I”m sick of workouts that say things like “Look hot in any top” or “Lose your love handles” and I will admit at least a third of these still have language like that, but almost 2/3’s of these workouts don’t! And I was drawn to the page itself because the title was “These 27 Workouts Are All You Need to get in shape this summer”
So there you go! It’s not perfect but I was happy to find this gem because it’s a good collection of workouts where enough of them are more about fitness than losing weight for me to be content and get off my soap box for a bit, haha.
So, I’ll admit I’m one of those people who loves to go on pinterest and pin works out and health tips and then rarely use them. But I figured out part of the problem.
It’s because there’s not a single work out picture on Pinterest that doesn’t feature a thin, fit, girl with a title such as “Get tight abs” or “Get rid of your love handles” or “Slim down your lunch lady arms” and it’s just gross. I want a website, with people who look like me, doing workouts with titles like “Get strong abs” or “Improve your cardio endurance” or “Do these five moves to get a healthy body”. People who are fat, in between, maybe something other than skinny white girls wearing crop tops and tight fitting shorts, doing real work outs for real people. I’m sick of seeing people with toned abs and slim thighs telling me “Get your dream bikini body!”
I have my fucking bikini body. I just want to be healthy! I dunno, even with my tiny pinterest rebellion of changing the wording on workouts, almost everything has the title in the picture. And just about every single workout has wording like this.
I think HAES needs to team up and make our own website with workouts with positive titles and people who look like the real people who work out. Or if you guys have any websites that are better, you should tell me!! Cuz it’s getting disheartening that every work out has to be geared towards slimming down and losing weight, and not just being healthy.
…as one of my followers coined it, I also repin gendered language. For example, there was a cute little DIY gloves used for “teaching little girls how to sew” so I changed it to “good for teaching children how to sew”.
Pinterest rebellions are great. (:
So, today is shaping up to be a much better day. I’m feeling more relaxed and I think my little mental breakdown last night might be just what I needed? Because I was able to sort through everything that was triggering me so immensely so that was nice. I’m definitely tired and I still didn’t do very well on my Bio test (68%) but hey, I didn’t fail, and somehow I have an A in the class? So whatevs man.